Do you have ____ experience? Software QA/Test Engineer, Resume

The short answer is, please view my keywords web page for this information. If you find the _____ keyword, then I do have _____ experience. If you don't see the _____ keyword, then I don't have _____ experience.

The long answer is, I am an excellent software engineer, someone who shines and gets the job done quickly and well. Additionally, I can pick up skills quickly because it is easy to learn stuff.

What makes me an excellent QA Engineer? I pay attention to even the smallest details, observe and notice things before everyone else; I'm rational, logical, and well organized. Additionally, I have 21 years of formal training as an engineer, and, additionally, I have 10+ years of QA experience.

Who is the caller? Over 90% of my incoming calls (and e-mails) fall under one of the following eight categories:

• The Perfectionist. Caller appears to have some very highly specialized and deeply technical work, but cannot fill it because the prospective employer is too picky, too fastidious, and my resume is NOT a good match, not even close to the 110% perfection the employer demands. Caller ignores my keywords, because he knows my background is not even close to the 110% perfection the employer demands, but he confronts me anyway, "Tell me, for each skill how do you fit the requirements?" Or, "Where is your ________ experience? I don't see it on your resume!" This way he can A) blame the lack of match on me, B) feel superior at my expense, and C) conceal the fact he did not view my keywords before he contacted me. The Perfectionist will NOT get you a contract, but he will make recruiters and contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Optimist. Caller appears to have some specialized, technical work, but cannot fill it because my specialization is not the same, not even close to the specialization the prospective employer wants. Caller is an optimist who believes if he just sends me a job description, miraculously my resume will start saying, "Rob is a Reliability Engineer"... "Rob is a Components Engineer"... "Rob is an Analog Design Engineer"... "Rob is a Quality Manager"... or "Rob is a Project Manager" -- the specialist the prospective employer wants -- and the Optimist believes I will spend the next 24 hours of my life to completely rewrite my resume, completely reinvent my employment history, and find a way to mislead the prospective employer. Alternatively, maybe the Optimist does not understand what it is that I do, and believes all of these specialties automatically are my specialties as well. The truth is, my specialty is none of the above, and the truth is, I have no intention to mislead anyone, not even one prospective employer. Often, when I send the Optimist my standard resume, he confronts me, and says, "Where is your _______ experience? I don't see it on your resume!" This way he can A) blame the lack of match on me, B) feel superior at my expense, and C) conceal the fact that he did not read my resume before he contacted me. The Optimist will NOT get you a contract, but he will make recruiters and contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Penny Pincher. Caller appears to have a job, but the job pays ridiculously LOW wages in a high cost of living area that no one wants. Or, the call is about a "permanent position" that I do not want, This way he can A) blame the lack of match on my "high" rates, B) feel superior (at my expense), and C) conceal the fact that he did not view my rates before he contacted me. The Penny Pincher will NOT get you a contract, but he will make recruiters and contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Unproductive Beginner. Caller appears to have a job, but cannot fill it because something is lacking on her part. What is it? Courage? Skills? Experience? Or brains? To bring together buyer and seller, she would need all of these four things. To justify her existence, she creates a paper blizzard, with long lists of questions. She forever writes, and rewrites requirements, requires more references, develops more detailed forms, and devises new tests. If I respond, she has nothing for me, but more questions, more paperwork, more messages, and more grief. With her on my side, I find myself spending an increasing amount of my time to 1) register and re-register on her web sites, 2) read the large number of junk requirements her site e-mails to me on a regular basis, 3) fill out her forms and questionnaires, 4) rehash my resumes, 5) rehash my answers to recruiters FAQs, and 6) write for her own use, additional, detailed justifications, as to why my resume is a good fit with one of "her" jobs. The Unproductive Beginner will NOT get you a contract, but she will make recruiters and contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Friendly Freeloader. Caller is a stranger who has nothing but a telephone, or e-mail account, and dangles before me the possibility that perhaps someday she might have a suitable position for me. She says something vague, like, "I'd appreciate any referrals for this position." Or, with the innocence of a little girl on her way to catechism, she says she just wants to "network" with me. "Networking" is her code for obtaining from me referrals, or recommendations, or technical information, or all of the above, for FREE. The Friendly Freeloader will NOT get you a contract, but she can burn up your valuable time. Additionally, she can create some serious competition for you; and competition is something you do not need.
  
  
• The Resume Collector. Caller has nothing but an e-mail account, but dangles before me the possibility that perhaps someday he might have a suitable position for me. He says something real vague and non-specific, like, "Rob, send a Word document of your resume so we can have an updated copy." Or, "Rob, we have 'many positions'... please forward resume, and I will get to work." But, hold it for a second! Why should I send anything to him, when the resume I could send him is the very same document that he can find on my web site? And, why should I send it to him, again, when my most recent resume is the very same document that I sent to him 2 days, 5 days, or 15 days ago? The Resume Collector will NOT get you a contract, but he will make contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Inquisitive Investigator. Caller is a con artist in recruiters' clothes; a fastidious, nosey person who is obsessed about collecting information, my personal information! He's also a stranger, an unknown information collector, a beginner investigator with a large number of nosey questions who wants to investigate me, at my expense, and at the expense of everything else. He acts like a one person government agency that "has to do" the combined investigation of the DSS, DIS, and the Defense Department, but he cannot give me any security clearance, and cannot assure me that my personal data will not end up in India. To justify his investigation, he dangles before me a nonexistent job, and also stalls for time, "I will tell you about the job later...", but he "forgets" and gives me nothing, and sends me nothing. He's interested in collecting information, my personal information, at my expense; or doing identity theft at my expense; or collecting company names at my expense; or collecting references he can use and abuse, at my expense. Trust is a slow process that good recruiters build up over the years. Trust is not something I give to the first unknown, unlicensed, unidentified, self-appointed investigator who is able to dial my number and make a surprise phone call to me. The Inquisitive Investigator will NOT get you a contract, but will waste your valuable time, and make you lose references. He can also create some serious competition for you. He can also make you a victim of identity theft. He can make contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.
  
  
• The Reference Collector. Caller is a con artist in recruiters' clothes who uses surprise, deception, tricks, intimidation, and sometimes shills. Depending on his personality, he can be overtly aggressive, or real subtle, friendly and charming. He makes a large effort to get from me rate, identity and especially "reference" information, however, he has absolutely nothing but a telephone, pen and paper, an 800 number, and a long list of questions. He pretends he has a job; dangles before me this nonexistent, temporary job. He promises to tell me about the job later, send me the job description later, or submit me later, but he doesn't give me anything, doesn't send me anything, and doesn't submit me anywhere. He gives me nothing but excuses, false and misleading statements, e.g. "I can't do that... I can't tell you that... there is a job, but the rate is real low..." or, "we cannot submit you (to our unnamed, non-existent client in a usually far-away location), because you say you want per diem, and we don't pay per diem." All of this is just an elaborate reference collector SCAM designed to get from you as much information as he can, and prey on the most vulnerable potential victims — the increasing ranks of jobseekers and the unemployed. This elaborate setup also allowes him to call you up later, and pretend he's a "swell guy" who keeps in touch with you every 30 days. By getting you on the phone every 30 days, he keeps hoping one day you will give him too much information, by volunteering to him names of hiring managers he doesn't dare to ask you about. What he really wants are sales leads at your expense or identity theft at your expense. He wants names of hiring managers at your expense, or "references" he can use and abuse at your expense. However, trust is a slow process that good recruiters build up over the years. Trust is not something you give to the first stranger with a telephone, who has been able to dial your number twice in 30 days. The Reference Collector will NOT get you a contract, but will make you lose valuable time and energy. He'll also make you lose references, make you a victim of identity theft, and make contractors run around in circles, and without any compensation.

For Rob's resume, click here or here.

For contact info, click here.